Clean eating

I am watching a show about the dirty secrets of cleaning eating and it is utter rubbish.  It isn’t really about clean eating so much about fad diets. Clean eating is about eating non-processed foods.   It isn’t about cutting out food groups save for processed crap.  Now I am not following a clean eating diet exactly at this point but I have enough sense to see that it is a healthy approach as long as you don’t take eating to extremes.

We all do well with slight differences to the next person and that is ok.  I might choose a paleo diet because for me it is helping with my weight loss but that doesn’t mean it is best for every person nor that paleo will definitely be the best choice for me in the future.  I have friends that are vegetarians and vegans because it is right for them.  I have gluten free friends do to allergy and have known a girl who reacted badly to uncooked fruits and vegetables.  You have to find what works for you.  

No one should be implying that eating a diet free of heavily processed food is dangerous.  Eating a diet based on just one food like potatoes is nuts.  Avoiding protein is dangerous.  Eating burgers and fries with a big bottle of cola everyday is unhealthy.  Any diet can lead to an eating disorder including the ones based on a dietician endorsed diet.  Eating non-processed foods with lots of fruit and veg, sufficient protein and a comfortable amount of healthy fats and carbs is not crazy, dangerous or unhealthy.  Crazy is believing that one size fits all.

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Chia hemp porridge

I have been following a more paleo style diet as of late but was getting tired of omelettes for breakfast.  I really just wanted cereal but that wasn’t an option.  I tried searching pinterest for breakfast ideas that might soothe the craving but nothing was quite right.  

While chatting with some veggie friends someone mentioned chia porridge.  As I had a small packet of chia seeds another lovely friend had given to me I decided to try searching for a recipe.  I did find several but they all called for flax or were too low in protein and too high in carb so I got to playing around with ideas.  My first attempt was ok but still involved maple syrup and didn’t stave off the hunger as long as I would have liked but I bought a big pack of chia anyway as it seemed worth the effort.

Today I had another go and am sure I am onto something.  Chia, hemp, protein powder, almond milk and raisins.  Still a bit high in carbs but it quelled my hunger from 8am until 2 pm when I next had a chance to eat.  I had participated in a 5K, driven my family all over creation and gone grocery shopping in that time and honestly didn’t feel hungry.  So here is the recipe and I hope you enjoy it.  I am thinking I might replace the raisins with almond butter tomorrow to see how it goes but who knows.

Chia Hemp porridge

2 tbsp chia seeds

2tbsp hemp seeds

1 scoop (half serving) of USN diet fuel vanilla (I am sure any brand would do)

1/2 teaspoon cinnamon 

20g (1-2tbsp)  raisins

200ml (just under a cup) unsweetened almondmilk 
I just tossed it all in a milk pan and heated it on the stove until it was my desired porridge consistency.  I stirred constantly.  
No extra sweetener required.  It was just right without the maple syrup or honey.  The raisins add quite a bit of excess carb/sugar but it is also a serving of fruit.  It all came out to about 500 calories with about 37g protein and 33 g carbs as I recall but I forgot to screens hot the details from my fitness pal and am not completely certain of the numbers.  Overall a thoroughly enjoyable breakfast that didn’t leave me feeling heavy but lasted for hours.

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Running in Circles

I have been so busy lately.  I have asked for gastric sleeve surgery so have been dealing with dietician and psychology apps as well as dieting.  My youngest broke her arm so we have been dealing with fracture clinics for the last 7 weeks as well.  My husband had a couple appointments as well which he needed a ride (all ok there).  Lastly, my son needs me to take him to register for his college classes.  Sometimes I feel like I am running in circles.

Dieting, dieting and more dieting…the life of a fat girl.  Asked for surgery so now have to convince about a dozen people that my life is of value so I can get this done.  First dietician wasn’t too bad but she was just the first gatekeeper.  I lost weight as asked and was referred to the next level.  On I moved to the group meeting.  Let me just say that I hate group meetings.  At this point I met the new dietician and the psychologist.  They are condescending and rude with obvious stereotypes about fat people.  First sessions we were called liars because we didn’t say we eat chips/fries with lasagne (which I don’t and haven’t ).  They irritate the heck out of me.  I have however gotten the referral from the dietician.  The psychologist is making me see him again.  I find him so ridiculous and out of touch with reality that I think this will be a challenge to get the referral.  Still have to see the endocrinologist in august so hoping for the best.

Speaking if dieting, I have been attempting to follow the paleo diet.  Ironically, it is not far off of a post-surgery diet (especially since many people find they can’t eat breads and pastas, etc after) but they seem stuck on the idea of simply limiting my carbs.  I have learned that I enjoy sauteed spinach though and have  been eating so much more veg.  I still find planning the meals challenging as my mind goes straight to the starchy foods but I get there in the end.  I am now down 40lbs since Jan 2nd and finding that since dropping the carbs to just around 100g that my dreaded belly fat is shrinking much faster.

About 10 days before my first group weight loss surgery meeting my daughter broke her arm at gymnastics.  She didn’t do it by halves either.  She snapped her radius and ulna both in half with her ulna poking through the skin.  Luckily her St John’s Ambulance cadets training came to mind so she did a great job of staying calm and holding pressure until paramedics arrived. I was off having my hair cut while she was in class so had to meet her at hospital.  Crazy 48hrs that was!  Since then it was fracture clinic appointments almost every Monday for 6 weeks and finally the cast off exactly 7 weeks to the hour of her break.

Tomorrow is the college class registration for my son.  I think he has his plan in mind now.  Just hope he can get the classes.  Five gcse subjects next year and then he should be set to choose more gcses next year, a btec, a – levels (depending on gcse grades) or a combination.  He still seems unsure of his future plans (fair enough at 14) so figuring out the best path is extra challenge.

So yeah I have been busy.  Even thought about trying to get a job at the hospital seeing as I am always there.  This phase will pass soon enough though.  Just keep pushing on.

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I was at the computer store with my husband for the upteenth time in a week and wondering aimlessly when I came across a fitbit.  I had asked for a fitbit for Christmas  and still wanted one so I came up with a plan.  I walked over to my hubby and said, “I have decided that from now on everytime you drag me to the computer store you have to buy me something.”  I took home my fitbit.

It has been a fun little gadget so far.  It makes a decent watch which is saying something from a person who does not like watches.  It also tracks steps, mileage, elevation (as stairs but hills seem to register as well) and calories burned and can be an alarm clock.

The steps tracking works really well for me at the moment.  My fitness is at an all-time low so I feel rather defeated most of the time but having a steps goal oddly works for me.  I had always tracked via time walking or distance (even if only in my head) and felt like I needed to walk faster and farther.  With only tracking steps I don’t feel the urge to go faster or push it all into one walk so the pressure is off.  My walk today felt reasonably fun which was the first time in a while.

I don’t know if my fitbit will continue to be my novel little toy but it is a start.  For now I am just continuing to plod along in hopes that it will eventually get me where I want to go.

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All or Nothing….or maybe trying

I have attempted the switch to vegetarian eating several times and quit so putting this out there feels a bit scary.  I have lapsed a couple of times since making the decision about a week ago but I don’t feel bad about the lapses.  In the past I have always attempted these things in an all or nothing sort of attitude and that hasn’t worked so trying a different attitude this time.

All or nothing….I tend to do this to myself in so many areas of my life. Diet: eat nothing but yogurt and diet coke until by dinner I am eating a burger and ice cream.  Exercise: do two hours of intense cardio five days a week and then add on a six mile hike on the weekend until my body gave out in pain and illness so I quit everything.  Studying: do a section a day and plan to finish the one year course in a week (ok maybe I imagined 6 weeks) and crumble in frustration when the first chapter is boring to the point of disemboweling seeming a better activity.  All or nothing hasn’t worked well for me so I need to try and think (and be reminded) that doing my best is in fact good enough.

Now I shall go dance intensely while scrubbing my house from top to bottom…hahaha  yeah right like that is going to happen.

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Things looking up

I know I have been a bit down lately but today I am so much more relaxed and happy.  Looks like I get to stay in my town.  I get to keep my support system and my kids get to stay with their friends and/or college. I also have a new DAB radio and have been dancing.  I feel as light as air.

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Selling the house

Six weeks ago we put our house on the market.  We all know that this is a highly stressful activity.  It is even more stressful when there also remains many things up in the air. We finally have clear confirmation of where we are moving to but that throws up other questions.  What will we do about college for our eldest? How will we proceed with gcses for our younger two? How will I manage to live in close proximity to my husband’s family?  Will I be happy?

We are moving into the in laws house with the grandmother while they convert another building on the property into a bungalow for themselves.  This is the father in law’s house for pretty much his entire life.  I expect to feel under the thumb and have to get permission to decorate in my own style.   In addition to this I expect that I will be experiencing abuse from the brother in law as he will likely still be visiting his parents.  I will have to require all locks to be changed on the house and the brother in law not having any copies but what about being made uncomfortable in my garden or having my car blocked in.  I know I have to be mentally strong and prepared.  This is my biggest stress.

Even though we are homeschoolers we do make use of a local college for many courses including a wide selection of gcses.  My eldest is finishing off her gcses now so that is not a concern but her special effects makeup course is uncommon and I have only found one location within the county but nearly a distant traffic wise as commuting to the current college.  I am going to be looking at driving for 3-4 hours everyday for this course which is the first step for my eldest career interests.  I hate driving at the best of times.  I guess that does mean I can avoid the brother in law most of the time. 

If we don’t have the option of our wonderful college than our other option for gcses is doing them from home.  It is doable but I was really wanting to avoid it.  I really don’t understand gcses well because I have never experienced something so ridiculous  (expecting people to memorise a book for stuff to take a single test that decides their entire future).  What if we don’t prepare well enough? I don’t have a great knowledge of exam skills to impart on my kids.  I could hire a tutor for an hour a week to help get through things but that gets the expenses much higher which I am not sure we can manage as income looks likely to change soon as well.

On top of everything else, we have not had any viewing yet.  I have no idea why.  Not a clue why people are so disinterested in an area where houses are selling in a week.  Our last couple attempts at house selling failed miserably so I guess I am a bit “shell-shocked” but the real estate business. 

I had always dreamed of designing and building my own home and now I know that this will never happen.  I know where my future lies and it is lovely and historic but it will never be mine.  It will never be the piece of me that I dreamed of creating.  It was a pie in the sky dream I guess but it was mine.

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I am trapped in a relationship I want nothing to do with.  A toxic person that I want nothing more than to never have to see or interact with again in my life.  Someone I don’t want within a mile of my children…i mean no contact ever.  But I can’t protect myself or my children because the toxic person is in my husband’s family.  I put up with this person for many years of biting my tongue and walking away.  I have put up with being insulted, degraded, and ever hit.  In the end I slapped that worthless piece of shit across the face when I finally lost my temper and I will not apologise.   I hate that I lost my temper but I will not cower to that monstrosity anymore.  Everyday I face more abuse from that man.  He purposely hurts my husband and children because his own way is all that matters.  The very thought of this person made me imagine cutting my own wrists last night.  I can’t escape.

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The Fun of New Books

My kids have moved on to GCSE studies which mens we have switched from basic workbooks to a textbook.  I grew up with textbooks so they look perfectly straightforward  to me but apparently  not to my youngest.  She got started on her first independent  lesson today but didn’t realise the maths problems started halfway down the page where it said exercise 1.2 and started working out the instructions.  Never even considered that I might need to explain a textbook.  At least the maths itself is not confusing her.

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It’s been awhile

Sometimes I wonder why I bothered starting a blog.  It doesn’t really seem to have a point.  Perhaps I should have gone a more anonymous route as I feel uncomfortable  talking about some thing with people I know reading. I think, for the most part, I started this blog in order to just speak out and move on.  So here goes.

I hate reading an article/blog/news piece that makes no mention or insinuation that a person has a disability of any sort whatsoever and than in comments people immediate diagnose someone from the article as autistic or any other disability of the day.  You can not accurately diagnose any disability from an article and even if you could it is not your place.  I have no issue whatsoever with giving those struggling with disabilities extra assistance/help/time to get what they need done in any way but done go off and declare that joe blow jr who had a tantrum (any no other info provided) must have autism because sometimes a tantrum is just a tantrum.

I know that first one will rile up those that see themselves in that group…oh well.

I finally attended a homeschooling festival.  It was called HESFES and happened in Wales.  Boring as all get out.  Nothing there for the non-partying younger teens at all really.  My son spent the whole holiday sitting in the car reading books….luckily he brought several.  Even for me it was pretty boring with just 3 workshops of any interest and nothing for adult socialising that I found (again deafening music is the opposite  of social as we struggle to hear conversation in quiet locations).  We may attend again and hope it was just an off year but in the future we will plan daily days out and food that doesn’t require cooking since electric wasn’t provided and weather prevented using the cooker.

I am frustrated by the call to take in refugees when a single family member of an otherwise British household has to prove income and pay extra funds into the NHS in order to be allowed to stay with their family.  No family should spend years with a constant threat of having their family split up just because one member was born far away.  No citizen should be put in a place of having to choose between the person they love and their home (and other family). Bring in refugees…i have no problem with that.  I would even be willing to take someone in my home in order to help but stop punishing British citizens  and their family members for having a non-eu spouse/partner.

Generally, I am frustrated with society and the direction it is headed in.  I believe in providing the basics for everyone but working for anything beyond subsistence.  I believe that education is a basic human right that all should have but I do not believe that the state should be the monopoly  holder and in fact can’t be if we are to provide the opportunity  of education to all because not all will ever fit the system.  Medical care is a basic human right that should be provided to every person on the planet equally no matter their socioeconomic status.  I believe every person should have a home and having more than one house without it leaves in should bring shame to the homeowner as long as there are people living on the streets. This is not what I see happening though and it is not the path I see us travelling  in.

I guess this really turned out to be a rant.  Sometimes a person needs to just let it all out.  I might not have gotten it all out though but some things I can’t say around some people.

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