Irrelevant

Saw another doctor about the pain. He seemed angry at me from the moment I walked in. The entire visit I was battling a panic attack and couldn’t stop crying. Twice he threatened to walk out because I was angry and upset. I was not allowed feelings or opinions. I was not allowed to try and explain my experiences. Most of the time he wasn’t even talking to me but to my husband instead. I have been ordered to submit to more tests with nothing explained about the procedures.

I have been ordered to see their psychologist and dietician. I went in to have pain treated and was weighed in like a prize heifer before being questioned about my weight loss. Weight loss is of no real interest to me anymore. Even in the beginning of all this the weight loss side of things was secondary to being healthy. I was promised surgery would help me be healthy but it only destroyed my health. I have no interest in talking to any more dieticians. As of the psychologist, just another person to tell me my feelings are irrelevant and to just sit down, shut up and do as I am told. I am so tired of people. I don’t want to talk to people. I don’t want to be touched by people. I just want to be left the hell alone.

I am quite irrelevant to all of this. I am told I have rights but that they will refuse me treatment if I dare invoke my rights so in all reality I have no rights. I am valueless. I am worthless. I am irrelevant. I am tired.

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